Live Long and Prospero
by Scott Pixello
Genre: YA Humor
Published: May 17th 2013
1983, The Grange Lighthouse, just off the western coast of the UK. Nearest human habitation- New York.
Principal Lighthousekeeper James Church settles down to his usual breakfast of whisky and cornflakes. Not together. He has some standards- particularly low ones that he constantly fails to live up to. Into his well-ordered universe comes a scientist to study the nearby puffin colony. This leads Church, and his crew of social misfits, who are forced to share their Captain’s unhealthy obsession with Star Trek, on a strange journey featuring a nasty gang of drug dealers, a surprising undersea discovery and a hamster called Steve.
This is a Young Adult novel with slightly more emphasis on the ‘Adult’ (14+) than previous books by Scott Pixello but not in the sense of being any more grown-up.
Think The Tempest meets Star Trek.
Please note, this is a novella, and priced accordingly.
Like Billy Crystal, Gromit and Boris Johnson’s hair, it may be a bit short but it’s still funny.
The following extract is from early in the book, when Principal Lighthousekeeper Church discovers a problem with the supplies. He is joined by Jake, a young 19-year-old with a stammer, who is on a temporary work experience placement on the lighthouse. Jake is curious about their new arrival, a biologist, who has come to study the puffin colony and they work out an idea of where she can sleep, involving Steve, Church’s pedantic second-in-command.
In the Mess, Church is unpacking the provisions and carefully putting everything in its allocated space. He is talking to himself, thinking aloud. “Where’s the...? Uh-oh.” He frantically rifles through the rest of one box and rips through the others before kicking one across the room, hurting his foot in the process. Jake comes in to see him hopping up and down, in pain and anger.
“W-W-What’s up, Captain?”
“Come here.” Jake does so. “Notice anything?” Jake looks intently. Immediately to the left of the stove is a shelf with a big space on it. Church looks at the big space and then back at Jake’s clueless expression. “Tell you what, I’ll give you a clue. It’s a letter between S and U, one syllable and rhymes with tee.” He waits for a second or two. “TEA, YOU MORON! How’s this lighthouse supposed to function without tea?”
“W-W-Was it on the list?”
“Yes, it w-w-was. Next to money and brain.”
“I-I-I remembered the money.”
“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Do you know what trying to live a normal life is like without tea?”
“I’m starting to get an idea. We-we-we’ll just have to go c-c-cold turkey.”
“What kind of madman d’you think I am?” Jake opens his mouth to answer and then closes it again quickly.
“Why is she here?”
Church pauses for a second but accepts the non sequitur without question. He is very used to how Jake’s brain works. “She just wants to observe an unusual...colony close up.”
“Yes, birds. You know, those things with wings that fly around outside. Now, just go and make-up the unexpected guest room.”
“Where’s that then? And who’s gonna come here?”
“If we knew who they were, they wouldn’t be unexpected, would they? Do I have to do all the thinking around here? Use Steve’s room.”
“W-w-won’t that be unpopular? With Steve for a st-st-start.”
“He can share with you.” Jake starts to protest. “No B-B-Buts. Desperate times call for desperate measures. He can use some of my cupboard space.”
“He won’t be h-h-happy.”
“No change there then.” Jake strops out like a surly teenager.
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About the Author
Hi there Pixellites,
I have extensive plans for world domination but don't worry, this is not in a Hitler-invading-Poland-sort-of-way. Every three months or so, a book with my name on the cover should be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. These are mostly mindless pieces of nonsense but with a serious underbelly. To me, life's a bit like Donald Trump's hair- the closer you look at it, the more absurd it seems.
My books so far have all been stand-alone stories but with some links if you care to spot them.
Luke, I Am Your Father shows a 16-year-old boy being tested by his friends to see whether he's ready to be a parent. In Memoir of a Gothic Girl, the main character tries to join a sub-culture as a way to cope with trauma in her family. Live Long and Prospero, set in 1983, follows the antics of four lunatics on a lighthouse, facing the threat of automation.
This will be followed by a digression into Middle Grade fiction with Rainbow, which is all about cows, farming and football (I know, it's been done so many times before). After this, I plan to return to YA content with Gagfest UK about a group of friends who meet up once a year to play tricks on people who have annoyed them in the previous 12 months.
I guess I'm trying to write books which can't be written by anyone else. And maybe they shouldn't be.
Under another name I've had seven books of respectable non-fiction published but disreputable fiction is where my real passion lies.
There's no photo of me anywhere on the Net (that I know of). I'm very shy. I don't blog, Tweet or even have a mobile phone- I write books.